My Jealous Friends!

January 18, 2014 at 1:12am

 Do you ever wonder if a friend may be jealous of you?

You wonder why they tend to criticize your every move, or copy-purchase everything you buy, or remain absent in celebrations of your achievements because they are "too busy", or their smile seems too big for their face? Make no mistake, you are surrounded by some jealous friends which you should be aware of. There are few but very common symptoms to identify your jealous friend as discussed below:

Doesn't give you credit but creates excuses for your success: 

Just created a good guitar solo? "it sounds like Stevie Ray Vaughan", 

Just had a great photo shoot? “It’s because of the lighting and editing. Or the camera was expensive”, Not your photography skill. 

Just got a new job? “It’s because you know someone.” 

Just got student of the year award? “It’s because you’re good at marketing yourself.” 

-- A deeply jealous friend can never acknowledge that you may actually have earned or even deserve the good things that are happening to you.

Here is a real life example: In 1992 I made few new friends in Bangladesh in a place called Azimpur. These friends played guitars. By this time I have created almost a dozen of my own unique songs. One of them was "Protodin Tomay Khuji" . One afternoon, I met those friends who were playing guitar in a backyard. They asked me to play something for them and I played that song. It was not released, nor performed in public in anywhere in Bnagladesh, nor did they have listened the song before from me as they have just become my friends. After I played the song, one of the reaction from one of those guitar player was -" I think I've heard the song somewhere else before... It sounds like a WARFAZE song". !!!!

Copying you /trying to upstage you

May be you have bought a brand new pair of designer jeans today and discovered -your friend has bought the exact same pair the next day. 

Or may be in the morning today you have just shared your plan to present your spouse a Rolex Oyster next week and found that your friend showed up in dinner today, with spouse with exactly same watch blazing in his wrist. 

Sometimes they'll even take it to the next level by getting something more expensive than yours. 

Do you think they just an admirer of your style or is the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head? Sounds like the latter…

The Saccharin Response[big fake smile on their face ]: 

This response is insincere and usually offered by someone who is aware of their jealousy and trying to overcompensate. They put a big fake smile on their face and act overly happy for you. 

Ritchie Blackmore said in his interview he doesn't believe those people who smiles a lot. (see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZEKrA_nsc4 ). .....And he is so true.

Lack of encouragement :

“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” ― Bette Midler 

As the above comment suggests, your jealous friends will hardly appreciate your success, or constantly discourage/criticize your endeavours. Following is a real life experience:

Currently I am in the process of writing a book and 15% of it is not even completed ; yet one of my acquaintances sent me a two page email full of criticism and discouragement( there are 12 un educated - fallacious points in that criticism which will be shown in that book in an exhibition with detail analysis ) . And he wrote in a manner as he is trying to "wake up" me. 

Here is an excerpt: Notice, he started even without mentioning my name or any salutation- 

" Well, when I try to write any analytical writing I always try to write it in Bangla at least for one reason, I want my mother language be enriched as there are millions of books about various principles in English. 

It’s not any of my works but it’s the criticism. At first I’m very glad to have that link in my e-mail where I come to know about FALLACIES WE’VE BEEN LIVING WITH. I’ve waited but it seemed to me that it would take a long time.Yet the writing is not completed so it’s not the right time to write criticism about, nevertheless I think I should write.... ..... " 

How can you criticize a book when it is not even written? Notice, this writer , in the beginning he tried to show his love for the mother language but he wrote the mail in English! 

- It exhibits the intention of a jealous and weary mind. 

This is what jealousy can do to a person. Beware! 

-Syed kollol 16.01.2014

Jealousy Or Envy?

January 19, 2014 at 2:27pm

Jealousy is an extremely important psychology of human beings. If a nation has too many jealous people that nation is bound to head in the wrong direction.

Envy and Jealousy- although often used interchangeably are different in way that unlike envy, jealousy will create all sort of barriers to the victim's welfare. Hence, a society with more and more jealous people must degrade day by day. 

Illustration:
India is a good tourist attraction. An envy nation will try to make that nation as attractive as India, where as a Jealous nation will try the same thing but also at the same time make sure that INDIA get in all sort of troubles and lose its attractiveness. This in turn damage bilateral relationship between the nations and down both the country. To make a country beautiful, we need lesser jealous people and thus this discussion may be very useful. 

Envy is usually between two people, it follows this way: 
Person A has item X 
Person B don't have item X but B longs for item X 
Person B become envious to person A. 

Jealousy is usually three person thing as such: 

Person A love X 
Person B and X shows intimacy 
Person A is afraid, s/he might lose X because of B 
Person A become jealous of B 
Note, in this case, Person A is not limited to envy(just want to hold possession of X) but also try everything to make sure that B is not successful in getting hold of X. Thus B may become enemy of A and vice versa. 

So, jealousy- regardless of amount or form -positive/negative(there is no positive about jealousy as discussed above) is not acceptable. Positive form of envy may be good. 

Another example - with politics: 

Political party A has X amount of followers
 Political Party B don't have X amount of followers but it longs for that. 
Political Party B become envious to Political Party A. 

Actions of Political Party B would be to improve its activities to gain popularity and hold X amount of followers. 

Now look at the scenario: 

Political party A has X amount of followers 
Political Party B don't have X amount of followers but it ls gaining popularity amongst X 
Political Party A become JEALOUS to Political Party B fearing that it might lose its X amount of followers.. 

Political Party A would try to improve its activities to retain popularity among X and moreover, it would try to defame, spread propaganda and all sort of evil means to down Party B. 
This will adversely affect mass general population and create enmity among the followers due to SNOW BALL effect. 

So Jealousy in politics is not acceptable. 

-Syed Kollol, 2014

How to handle Parents & Peers-An approach by Syed kollol

The above diagram shows 4 grids which is distributed by Interest & power one can
 exert upon you:

1. Low Power- Low interest
2. Low Power -High Interest
3. High Power- Low Interest
4. High Power -High Interest

You need to understand the relationship between power and interest of people around you and  then apply strategy to address them accordingly.

Example could be your Parents.
Usually they are the most powerful people around you who has the highest level of interest on your everyday life.

But if you look a little closely, you may find that , although mom & dad- both are same powerful but the level of interest on your day to day activities may vary between them. If you spend all your energy to keep both of them satisfied or if you choose not to care about any of them at all- you are in a big big trouble kid!

If you notice your Mom falls in the High power- High interest grid then you must always keep her informed everything possible. She will be happy and your life will be easier.

Those who falls under  High Power-Low Interest grid: You should keep them reasonably informed. And your strategy must be not make them unhappy because if you do so, they will shift their position to High power -High Interest grid and you will be more screwed up.

Low Power-High Interest: Usually these are your best friends, sometimes Fiance. Remember, kids like you often make a very common mistake- you place your Fiance /best friends in wrong Grid- High Power-High Interest Grid. And you start  making your life miserable than ever! Strategy for this level should be as minimum as possible. Remember, Friends in needs are friends indeed.

Low Power -Low Interest: These are everyone whom has no power to affect your everyday life neither do they have any real interest in your success. Do not spend any time on them at all. These people will talk behind you, bully you and do all things to divert your focus. Do NOT pay attention at all.

Successful strategy and implementation of it can improve relationship with your peers and parents which will make you successful.

Hope this Helps!!!
-Syed kollol for all the  Nephews & nieces around the world.
2 August -2014